Windsor Castle - (Lurid Ass Mess): Is Carla Brunei about to become France's very own Heather Mills? Worried courtiers and Castle attendants are unanimous that hell will freeze over first before the walking slagheap-cum-France's first Madame darkens Windsor Castle's historic doorstep with her presence on a state visit with her husband at the end of next month.
"We see this joke marriage with the French president as thirty day wonder," a source close to Windsor Castle's Knights of the Garter said today.
"Carla may not yet have the full-blown makings of our own top harlot Heather Mills," a Scottish Order of the Thistle recipient added, "but that's because French privacy laws have gagged her sordid past."
Others argue that it took a long time for Heather Mills to become the fetid pile of crap that she is portrayed to be in the UK tabloids and that by comparison Carla Brunei Sarkozy is a cherub.
"Just wait until the SocGen rogue trader scam goes full-blown," a Serious and Disorganised Crime Agency spokesman said today.
"Hers is a marriage made in hell. I expect it will take Madame Sarkozy Numero Une's private detectives to really put the knife in, though," an Interpol source added.
"Best bet? Carla and her shortarse wimpy husband are brother and sister, both spawned by donated sperm from Opus Dei quizlings who are now frantic Cecile Sarkozy, the
ex-wife, will dish the dirt on French live TV.
"Vive la difference! Formidable!"