Written by carina-eta
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Thursday, 14 February 2008

image for Stallone Gets Death Threats From Old Father Time
Stallone in Make Up Room on Set of Rambo

Ancient star Sylvester Stallone, rumoured to start every day with a vigourous exercise routine of hard lipo and steroid pumping, has revealed that he has been receiving death threats for the last ten years on a daily basis.

Sly has exclusively revealed that Death himself, also known as Old Father Time, has been knocking on his door at least 20 times a day. Sly, believed to be 240 years old and held together with "tit-tape" has recently been re-pigmented in order to star in yet another Rambo film, entitled "Ramb-old 14."

The ageing star, who had state of the art facial implants seven years ago to enable his mouth to move in time with pre-recorded speech, said today," Death gave up on mom years ago and came looking for me, he's been pestering me ever since. It's all I can do to stay alive to make these movies. Just the other day the make up artists sprayed the wrong face on me and I did a scene looking like Nefertiti."

Sly was recently embarrassed on set when his left arm fell off during filming. At first, Sly claimed he had lost the arm during a ten-minute stunt sequence. However, it was later revealed that the arm fell off after woodmites ate the sawdust stuffing. Stallone's medical team later said that it was a mercy he wasn't taking a pee at the time.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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