Ancient star Sylvester Stallone, rumoured to start every day with a vigourous exercise routine of hard lipo and steroid pumping, has revealed that he has been receiving death threats for the last ten years on a daily basis.
Sly has exclusively revealed that Death himself, also known as Old Father Time, has been knocking on his door at least 20 times a day. Sly, believed to be 240 years old and held together with "tit-tape" has recently been re-pigmented in order to star in yet another Rambo film, entitled "Ramb-old 14."
The ageing star, who had state of the art facial implants seven years ago to enable his mouth to move in time with pre-recorded speech, said today," Death gave up on mom years ago and came looking for me, he's been pestering me ever since. It's all I can do to stay alive to make these movies. Just the other day the make up artists sprayed the wrong face on me and I did a scene looking like Nefertiti."
Sly was recently embarrassed on set when his left arm fell off during filming. At first, Sly claimed he had lost the arm during a ten-minute stunt sequence. However, it was later revealed that the arm fell off after woodmites ate the sawdust stuffing. Stallone's medical team later said that it was a mercy he wasn't taking a pee at the time.