Written by Monkey Woods
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Wednesday, 13 February 2008

image for Aeroplane Sleepers Risk High Blood Pressure
Let me just check your blood pressure, Sir

Passengers who sleep on aeroplanes run the risk of developing high blood pressure, and many other life-threatening illnesses that arise from it, says a report published today.

The report, in the Medical Bullshit magazine, claims that sleeping on long-haul flights can do the most harm, but even dozing on a domestic journey - domestic dozing - can cause complications.

The World Health Organistaion (WHO?) has backed the findings, and says that, in an effort to stop passengers falling into a deep sleep, aircraft noise should be increased to "unbearable levels".

Members of airline cabin crews, however, are 'up in arms' over the report.

Sarah Tartedup of Service & Hospitality Aboard Air Transport (SHAAT), the air hostess union, said:

"The paradox here, is that the loudest noise on most aircraft is the incessant pig-like snoring of the countless drunken bums who clamber on board after drinking the airport lounge dry."

But WHO spokesman Kenneth Doctor said:

"We need to make planes louder so people can't sleep. Never mind the residents who live near the runway. They should just move."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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