Victoria Beckham, the celebrity wife of footballer David Beckham, admitted on Panorama last night that she was actually born a bloke and changed gender two years before her first Spice Girls album. Her revelations have sent shock waves around the world.
Speaking to reporters after moving out of Beckhingham Palace, their official residence, David Beckham admitted, "Yeah, I really had no idea that she was born a man - the lying cheat. After intensive hormonal treatment, she - er, he - changed his name from Victor to Victoria and had an operation to change his gender. I feel sick to think that I was living with a man all along, and did not even know anything about it."
David's mother, who was interviewed subsequently on Newsnight, commented, "I always knew there was something abnormal about Victoria. She did look like a bloke with her masculine chin and her permanent scowl. Her thin and emaciated body only had corners - not even a single curve. Heaven knows what poor David saw in her - I mean him - in the first place."
An orphanage in Lewisham joined the controversy by issuing a statement claiming that all of Beckham's children had been secretly adopted from their stock of abandoned children.
"Victoria just used to just wrap pillows round her belly to mislead the press," revealed Mother Mercy at the Saints-R-Us Orphanage."We just let her get away with it, 'cos we couldn't wait to get rid of some of these vile children. Did you know that most of them have running noses all the time? And boy, do they howl like a pack of hungry bloodsucking Hyenas or what?"
Victoria's maid reported that she had actually found her shaving her chin with the latest Gillete Hexta last night(their new razor that has six blades). "Victoria has stopped taking her hormones, so she is now returning to becoming a bloke again. She has requested that everyone starts calling her Victor once again," suggested the maid, who herself looked suspiciously masculine.
"And to think of all the things I actually did with a bloke," lamented David, after washing his mouth with soap and water. "If I had known about this before, I would have married US Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice instead. I always had a crush on Condoleeza even before I met that lying Victor. At least Condoleeza has a life of her own, unlike Victor, who is just a hanger-on and simply likes to spend my money."