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Saturday, 9 February 2008

image for Lourdes to Close!
Only six months to go!

The French have been given six months to come up with a miraculous cure, or their famous Pilgrimage Site will be closed down. The small town of Lourdes in France has apparently become a shrine when Roman Catholic Nun, Sister Bernadette was led to a grotto by a vision of the Virgin Mary over 150 years ago. The waters in the cave were said to have healing qualities.

A large church has been built around the site and millions of the lame and crippled have visited the site every year. Once thousands of crutches hung from the ceiling, false limbs were heaped in one corner and wheelchairs have rusted and gathered dust in another corner - all witness to the changed lives as a result of the miracles that have happened there.

However, EU legislation has but the kybosh on things; all prosthesis have to go because they could be used by terrorists (like Abu Hamza) or they could injure pilgrims by falling on them. The water has also been tested and deemed undrinkable as there are no traces of fluoride or other preservatives in it. The shrine will also have to carry a hefty Insurance Policy against 'Acts of God'.

Father Padraig O'Neal, spokesman for the shrine told In Seine News;

"It a shame that we are being forced to close like this but I am convinced that God can change the minds of these bureaucrats and I am certain that an absolutely hopeless cripple will be healed. The hundreds of souvenir shops will be put out of business causing hardship for the once prosperous townsfolk. It looks like the work of the Devil himself!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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