Written by Dr A Friend
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Topics: Aliens, Brain

Thursday, 22 April 2004

image for "I was abducted by aliens" - Vanunu
Vanunu worked at the sinister My-Dimona facility, made famous in the song by The Knack

In a shock revelation after his release from an interrogation camp today, scientist Mortuary Vanunu claimed that he had been abducted by aliens, who conducted experiments on his brain over a period of 18 years in an attempt to erase his memory. A technician at the top-secret My-Dimona research facility in mid-Palestine, Vanunu was drugged and kidnapped by a blonde CIA agent after he had leaked documents suggesting illegal activities by aliens within the facility.

Made famous in the song by The Knack, the My-Dimona plant was assumed to be simply a site where illegal nuclear weapons of mass destruction were manufactured in order to make unreasonable threats towards neighbouring countries. However, Vanunu's claims reveal that My-Dimona was really a giant experimental lab where aliens performed experiments on human specimens, with a view to total world domination.

"They tried to destroy my mind during 18 years of captivity but I have emerged stronger than ever and I look forward to starting a new life as a free man", explained Vanunu as he walked away from the interrogation camp.

A spokesman for the alien community, Dr Sharona von Roswell-Strangelove, denied all such rumours. "As aliens, ve haf a right to defend our communities in whatever vay ve choose", he explained defiantly. "Ve haf no vision of vorld domination as ve haf achifed zat already."

As for Vanunu himself, his freedom to meet people or travel is on hold until any form of democracy emerges in the region, a development that is not expected before the end of the century.

A spokeswoman for Whitewash House Bands, The Knack's record label, would not comment on the revelations. Dr Convoluuutttted Lies, looking very fetching in her Eva Braun hairstyle and black suspenders said "No comment" at this morning's press conference.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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