Written by Petit Porc
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Topics: Sarkozy

Thursday, 7 February 2008

image for Sarkozy and Bruni engaged in spectacular divorce proceedings
She's a devil in the sack, eh Sarky?

In an extraordinary twist of events, it was announced today in Paris that the newly-wed couple Sarkozy - Bruni was to part ways with immediate effect. The French President and his model wife were only married last week in a secret ceremony.

The French press has reported this week that Nicolas Sarkozy had secretly sent an SMS message to his erstwhile wife, Cecilia, only a few days before his new wedding was to take place. In it, he had apparently stated that he would "call off the whole thing" if she returned to him.

Whilst speculation was rife as to how the new Madame Sarkozy would react to this, no one really expected such a dramatic turn of events.

A spokesperson for Carla Bruni - Sarkozy told a hastily gathered press conference that besides the phone message, Carla had discovered a multitude of photographs of Cecilia in the President's office, hidden behind pictures of herself. It would appear that he changed these around whenever Carla was absent from the Elysée Palace.

More surprisingly perhaps, the spokesperson also mentioned a few other reasons for the break-up of the couple's marriage: the fact that the President is smaller in stature than she (it is claimed that he wore shoes with high heels when they first dated, in order to impress her) and his seemingly unrelenting obsession with eating raw garlic at breakfast.

Rumours are circulating that Ms Bruni is already planning to make a new record describing the failed romance and that her sister, the film maker Valeria Bruni Tedeschi is preparing a dramatised TV special of these current events. A serialization is also being talked about.

Finally, as yet unconfirmed sources indicate that two new puppets depicting the President and his ex-wife to be will be added to the Electric Parade at Disneyland Paris.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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