Written by queen mudder
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Tuesday, 5 February 2008

image for Wasps floor Quaintrarse Mile High Club beanos
Passengers in the cheap seats were also inconvenienced

Brisbane, Australia - (Pain in the Ass Mess): Wasps have been blamed for thwarting Australian national carrier Quaintarse's mile high club charter beanos after being discovered nesting in the club's traditional first class stomping ground under in-flight lavatory bowls.

"Some of our passengers have got stung in the least expected places," the operator's PR said today, "an no amount of Anusol StingEeze-cum-Insect Repellent Cream managed to bring down the swelling.

"Little blighters. We've had to cancel hundreds of the club's mile high charter trips."

The airline said it has had to rip out all the floorboards in its long-haul A330's, smoke out the infestations and put down wasp queen contraceptives.

"This should stop future attempts from taking up squatters' rights in our flight facilities," the company claimed.

"We're peeved it's cost us so much lost business in the highly popular and expanding themed destination sector of the market."

Meanwhile Oz Aviation News magazine has blamed Kylie and Madonna for the outbreak.

"Kylie started it all last August. She thought she'd swatted a few of the bastards on a Singapore-bound flight. But she only managed to jam them up into an air-con vent where they happily went on to found a colony.

"Then Madonna went berserk when one of them nipped her newly botoxed cheek. Chased it all round the super-twin-deluxe on-board lav until it disappeared up a tap, eventually taking up residence in the hot water tank lagging where over 50,000 eggs hatched within a fortnight.

"The airline's mile high club reputation is in tatters."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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