Feenix Arizona - Sources close to Hilary Clinton today said that the much touted University of Phoenix Stadium, with its retractable roof and field, has been found to have a huge crack in it's structure. Engineers who investigated used the latest electronic abacus to determine if there are any safety concerns. In an unfortunate and unrelated accident all of the engineers involved were killed in a random drive-by shooting shortly after completing the investigation.
At a press conference this afternoon Arizona Governor Janey Neapolitan (some sort of niece of the late John Gotti) is quoted as saying: "Our main concern is for the playing surface. If the crack prevents us from rolling out the field, the game will have to be played on the concrete base. The NFL has assured us that they will pay for any damage to the concrete."
Despite questions from the gathered media contingent, the Governor simply continued to polish her pet desert tortoise and refused any further comment.
Unconfirmed information (obtained from the local wino) says that the stadium, which has had it's capacity increased to 74,000 for this one game, will be perfectly safe as long as no-one moves. If, however, there is too much vigorous arm-waving, or (God forbid) a Mexican (damn those illegals) wave, the whole thing will collapse in a cloud of dust and rubble.
FEMA (the Federal Emergency Mismanagement Authority) has been advised of the risk and has said that in the event of a disaster Federal help will be promptly deployed by 1st April.
When advised of the situation President G. W. Shrub said "So they got a cracked bowl, big deal. Let 'em buy a new one!".