Written by Jesus Budda
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Monday, 28 January 2008

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Fears are rising for Petr's safety

Worried family members gathered at the foot of the legendary Matterhorn Mountain in France, Europe today as they waited and hoped that rescuers could find missing albino Austrian skier Petr Paleface.

Reported missing yesterday, Paleface was attempting to sky his way down the southern slope of the popular tourist destination.

Last seen leaving the resort lodge, La Grande Merde, with a bottle of cheap vodka, the Austrian native was said to be in good spirits.

"We are ever so fearful for our beloved boys safety," said his father, "Petr could be anywhere out there. We can hear his feint voice calling out in the distance but we cannot see him. He should be right in front of us and we wouldn't even know. It's an impossible situation".

"I should have never bought him that white ski outfit for Christmas", sobbed his mother, Olga, "He insisted on wearing it. And the white scarf and wolly hat that his gran knitted for him."

A team of highly trained St Bernard doggies have assembled in the area but sadly they got too pissed on their little barrels of brandy to be of any use.

Search leader Jack Frost said he still has hopes that the young man can be found.

"He's a fucking albino, right?", said the carrot nosed man of action, "well, lets just wait until he gets badly sunburnt and then we'll spot him no problem. It usually works out all right. We've only lost 5 albinos in the past few years. Most turn up sooner or later. Silly white bastards.".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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