A strange new disease is sweeping through acting circles, causing stars from all over the globe to speak in stereotypical German accents. The mysterious illness, known as Vott Haff Ve Here? Syndrome, was first observed in Hollywood, immediately following the development of talking pictures, and has slowly spread throughout the world.
The ailment was first diagnosed in the Irish actor Limerick O'Dublin, star of such films as Alien Goes To Cork and Predator vs Seamus O'Toole. O'Dublin, while rehearsing the line, "pass me the turnips, would you?", suddenly found himself repeating the words, "zis creature vill giff me zer power to rule zer vorld!!!", and was unable to stop. During one love scene, the phrase "darling, let's flee this desolate place" came out as, "Schweinhund! Meinen bubbling fluids vill destroy you alles!!!", and the project had to be stopped.
Top psychologist Adler Jungfreud explained: "This abnormality has been quite common amongst third-rate actors for years, but is now spreading to accomplished thespians. My colleague Professor Stanford Prison-Experiment has investigated several Oscar winning stars, and has found that 74% of them are developing a strange fondness for oompah bands and lederhosen. Frankly, we're baffled".
This is not the first time that stars of stage and screen have been affected in such a way. During the 1930s, an oddball actor named Adlof Hilter developed such a tendency. The syndrome remained with him until 1945, when he was found dead in a strange underground house, along with several known lunatics and a dog.