Written by alex palamedes
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Topics: Iraq, Americans

Saturday, 17 April 2004

Thousands of residents of the besieged city of Fallujah have abandoned their homes ---- and all their belongings ---- to escape getting crushed between Iraqi insurgents and American might. Their homes are now occupied by ethnic minority Americans. Unlike Bosnia and Kosovo, however, where ethnic Americans enjoy movement and access to business opportunities and freedom to practise Halliburton, Dyncorp and KFOR sects of the Christian religion, Iraq's door is still closed to American involvement in its most booming trade.

At Abu Abdullah's, Baghdad, $1.50 buys 15 minutes alone with a woman. The room is a cell with only a curtain for a door, and Ali complains that Abu Abdullah's women should bathe more often. But the young man says it's still a big improvement from Saddam Hussein's day. Back then, he says, the only establishment for a poor boy like himself was at a Gypsy settlement on the capital's western outskirts. "But now there are plenty of places." He grins. "Now we have freedom."

"Immediately after the war, we started raids and arresting pimps," says Lt. Col. Omar Zahid, a top cop in Abu Abdullah's district. "But the ethnic minority military police made us release them. After that, the pimps understood they had nothing to fear." At least , he added, Iraqi girls, just like Russians, Moldovans, Ukrainians, Albanians etc were now free to travel abroad for waitressing jobs.

"In some cases," points out Leila Mohammed of the Organization of Women's Freedom in Iraq, "a woman is 'only' raped, then quietly killed by the family to 'clear' its sullied honor. Some victims are left naked in the street after being held for several days. They no longer have any choice but to live as recluses, in shame and silence. A young woman was kidnapped at the hairdresser's where she was preparing for her wedding. It is chaos here." Not all victims are released after being raped or held for ransom. The less fortunate are sold as slaves into the booming prostitution trade. According to Iraqi police, the going price for an abducted woman is reported to be around $90.

Top UK psychologist Colin Bell has warned that handing power back to an order-minded Iraqi state will suppress the high levels of psychoticism found in Arab populations and delimit economic experimentation, an opinion which has been seized on by ethnic Americans keen to extend their homeland forces' stay. Psychoticism has long been thought to be associated with creativity, first suggested by the Glaswegian enfant terrible, R.D.Laing. The presence of homeland troops, a spokesman said yesterday, will counterbalance Islam's 'easy prey' reputation among Anglo-Saxon capitalists by creating an economic and moral free for all and spurring on innovation.

"We are able to vastly undercut prices for Slavic, ex-Soviet bloc sex slaves, who fetch thousands of euros at auctions in Europe, " said one pimp whose business is flourishing under the regime change. "When Iraq becomes a truly multicultural society, he insisted, ethic minority Americans will be welcome as customers 'and even as business partners.'

The dot.com business has also received an unexpected fillip. Iraqi gays and lesbians have also welcomed Iraq's change, and have started posting profiles on various homegrown lifestyle dating websites, largely advertising themselves to eager US partners as 'houseboys' or 'strap-on slaves'. Along with economic freedom, says one leading Baghdad sociologist, has come the sexual freedom to mix with other ethnic groups. Even Huda Ammash, the woman dubbed "Mrs Anthrax" for her alleged role running Iraq's clandestine biological weapons programme, has reportedly applied to Hungary for a working visa upon release from detention. Her occupation: dominatrix.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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