Praia Da Iluzion - (A Fine Mess): President Putin has ordered Russia's massive nuclear naval fleet to start emergency exercises off the Portuguese coast right on Praia Da Iluzion's doorstep.
Up to 500 warships, battleships, aircraft carriers, nuke-carrying submarines and supersonic aircraft including Russian Tu-160 "Blackjack Bouvier" bombers have begun manoeuvres and test-fired missiles in a unprecedented show of strength.
The move was described by NATO top brass as a "typical knee-jerk reaction by a paranoid shitfaced-scared administration hellbent on financing dodgy Opus Dei disinformation campaigns in the British weekend tabloid press."
Nevertheless two RAF Typhoon fighters were scrambled to see off the pesky Bolsheviks whose presence off the Algarve coast has been described as part of the recent press campaign pointing a finger of suspicion at a "creepy-looking" bushy-eyebrowed man in the arguidos slanging match.
JK Rowling is frantic.