Written by Ice-eyes
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Topics: Drugs, Santa

Sunday, 20 January 2008

image for Santa Discovered to be Crack Baron
You got any magic dust, Santa?

Santa Claus was yesterday on the run from the law after it was revealed by an undercover team that he was an ingenious drug baron controlling a significant amount of the Arctic criminal underworld.

The jovial gangster, known by many for his obesity and bizarre red suit, but seemingly by more for his drugs and reindeer enforcers, had been running a cocaine racket, smuggling the drugs in wrapped boxes and delivering them on a radar-invisible hovercraft (known by associates as 'the sleigh').

We spoke to one local inhabitant, Blitzen von Kreiger III, who seemed distraught. "What are we going to do? I can feel the withdrawal already!"

However, before we could continue our investigations, we were ushered out of the area at gunpoint by psychopath narcissist Rudolph 'red-nose' Reindeer.

Santa remains on the run, latest reports indicating he is hiding out in the Middle-East. Watch this space for more breaking info.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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