Written by Deanna Goodson
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Wednesday, 14 April 2004

Washington, DC --

President Bush announced at a press conference last night, that he supports Sharon Osborne's desire to withdraw from the late night talk wars.

"I think it is a brave and brilliant move on her part. You just can't compete with Letterman and Leno, the Superpowers anymore. Even if you had a #1 show on MTV. It just doesn't make sense and believe me, if it's one thing I know a lot about ---it's NOT making sense," Bush announced last night to a nation who was pissed off that the American Idol movie-theme song show was pushed back one day.

"Can you believe he interrupted American Idol for this? I mean, Quentin Tarantino was celebrity judge. It's just another case of the politicians trying to show that they run the country or something. It's so wrong," A teenage girl who was wearing an "I want to have Clay Aiken's babies," T-shirt announced on her Clay Aiken fansite.

Of course, many people are confused. They thought the press conference was about Ariel Sharon and Israel.

"Are they crazy? What does America care about Ariel Sharon and Israel? Who is Ariel Sharon? Was she the "Little Mermaid"? If so, she was hot." Another teenager said while playing his Xbox and eating pizza.

When both teens were told that Sharon Osborne's show was going to end, they cried hysterically and held each other for dear life.

"When Sharon Osborne can't have a number #1 rated talk show, the world is doomed? There is nothing left to rely on. Well, I guess we can just watch more reruns of "Newlyweds", they said as they made plans to attend the junior prom together and then changed their minds after disagreeing on which Newlywed was more talented - Nick or Jessica.

No word from Sharon Osborne as to what she thinks about the President's press conference or this reporter's confusion between her and Ariel Sharon. She's probably busy prepping for Ozzfest anyway.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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