Written by shea lo
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Wednesday, 16 January 2008

image for Now Tom Cruise wants Britney Spears to marry him and 'have his baby'
Tom Cruise Jr to be?

Amidst strong denials by Tom Cruise's camp that Katie Holmes gave birth to daughter Suri after being impregnated with sperm from Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard, comes word that Tom Cruise has been scouting out Britney Spears.

Why? Because having proven herself a prolific breeder, His Cruiseness believes Britney can produce many L. Ronnites, thus promoting Scientology as the world's 'one true religion'. Of course, Tomsie will pass them off as his progeny.

The only problem is that Al Qaeda also appears to be bidding on Britney's womb. So the big question is "Who will emerge the winner?"

Bookies in Vegas have put the odds on Cruise and his Cruisers coming out in front. Reliable sources have stated that the 'Cruisers' are "very good at picking up troubled celebrities, cleaning up their 'resumes' so to speak, cleansing their minds, putting them in the control of mind-handlers, reviving their flagging public image and thus getting what they want. In this case more L. Ronnite alien babies."

It is also understood that Tom and his lawyers have drawn up an air-tight pre-nup for Britney to sign. "It's too good for her to refuse. Heck, if I hadn't of lost my uterus, I'da signed it too", said a 50-ish legal secretary at the firm where the document was produced.

Which begs the next question. What's Britney going to do? In terms of making a Faustian pact with the proverbial devil which way will she turn? Taking all bets!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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