Written by Deanna Goodson
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Topics: Washington

Monday, 12 April 2004

image for What the Fallujah!
What the Fallujah?

Washington, DC

President Bush admitted today that he couldn't even pronounce the name of the city that was giving him so much trouble in Iraq.

"Falloooojjjjjahh, Fuhloohaaaaah, Shmoolah. I am just a good ole Texan boy. Give me names like Waco (Wayyyyyyyyyyykoo), Buda (Bew-dah), Amarillo (Ahmah-reelllow) and Mexia (May-jeee ahhh). Those I understand. Not some stupid Hallelujah or whatever it is. I'm a Methodist, right? I think so. What do I know about Arabic names. Why can't the Iraqis make it easier on me? It's an election year for crissakes," he said and ran crying from the Oval Office.

He announced he wasn't going to eat any dinner even though Laura promised to make him his favorite --- brisket, chicken fried steak with gravy and biscuits. "No, I am not coming out until Rummy or Condi call and tells me how to properly pronounce the name of that town. I am tired of looking like an idiot. Everyone hates me. They make fun of me. It's not easy being the President. It's not."

He even refused a rousing game of Chutes and Ladders with Ashcroft who probably said. "You know he's feeling really bad when he cancels our Thursday nite game. I hope he gets out of this Fallujah funk soon. It's an election year for crissakes."

"I guess the Fallujah flu has hit the Oval Office. Fallujah will be his Waterloo, I hope. I mean it's an election year for crissakes," John Kerry said between bites of french fries smathered in Heinz ketchup yesterday. "Yes, and I don't want anyone to believe the rumors that I like Hunt's ketchup better. Got that?"

As the politicians figure out how to pronounce the name of Fallujah, coalition soldiers are fighting a huge insurgence among Iraqis who are protesting the 'occupation of the infidel.'

"It's really hard to fight an enemy that uses suicide as a tactic. It really is. I hope that we get outta here soon and not in body bags like so many of our friends, but it's an election year for crissakes, and well, what the Fallujah, right?" He said as he ran out into the line of fire again.

What the Fallujah indeed!!!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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