Written by Honcho McLopez
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Topics: Sex

Sunday, 6 January 2008

image for Sex Identified as Leading Cause of Overpopulation

The population of the planet Earth has had statisticians and other officials concerned about the future. The planet being only so big, there are finite resources available to feed everyone.

The reason that overpopulation has eluded scientists and government officials for years is because of their lack of hands-on details and information about how this situation was caused in the first place, so the U.S. government has funded a program called "Operation Stick Man", where 12 highly trained operatives are introduced into society in random states in the union, and monitor society in general.

On two separate instances, members of the team found evidence that in summary, shows that when people have sex (especially when they are of opposite genders) there is a risk that one of them will get pregnant, and in a mere matter of months, will produce another child, therefore making the population equal to n + 1, as Chief Analyst Dr. Wee Fookem Yung professes.

"We monitored this couple for weeks, and at night, noticed that the lights went off timely, at 10:00PM. Then there were squeals, moans, and at one point what we thought was a dog yelping, and this went on for weeks at a time. This, followed by this same couple glowing, holding hands more, arguing less, and purchasing a large number of infant-peculiar paraphernalia, such as bottles, diapers, and some furniture items, such as a crib, a changing table, and strangely enough, a Golden Retriever puppy.

"We didn't know what to make of this, but one of our agents pulled from another site noticed that the female was gaining an extraordinary amount of weight, which seemed to focus on her middle region. We presumed that all of those nightime activities and strange sounds were really a cover for the couple having sex.

"It was at that point that we realized it was a planned pregnancy, and she was indeed pregnant. We instantly notified the Census Bureau, and asked for their input. They then informed us that they were part time employees, and were not on call except for once every 10 years. So, naturally, we were at a loss as to what to do."

Since, the team has notified the U.S. Surgeon General's office, and it has become official. Documented evidence proves that sex causes human conception and later births, and exponentially, this is happening all over the world. The U.N. has dispatched a team of it's own to monitor other cities around the world for this significant turn of events.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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