Mogadishu, Somalia - (Bad Ass Mess): The Al-Kebab terror group has claimed responsibility for the killing of a senior Somali colonel after planting a whoopee cushion landmine on his chair at work on New Year's Eve.
Col Furri Gaarlic and his minder died instantly when the 12"x12" cushion - disguised as a bona fide orthopaedic posture device - blew up in his orifice at government buildings in Mogadishu.
The incident happened early in the morning just as the Colonel was preparing for a counter-terror briefing.
Mogadishu's mayor Abu Fit-Up Sharki immediately condemned the atrocity:
"Col Furri was an exemplary officer and a real threat to the heinous Al-Kebab group of terrorists.
"The very idea of blowing him up with a whoopee cushion landmine is preposterous.
"All governmental orifices are being searched and all items of soft furnishings replaced with standard-issue wooden seats."