ISLAM-A-BAD, PAW-KISS-TAN: Miffed by all the publicity accorded to 19-year old Bilawal Bhutto Zardari, - the new leader of the Pakistan People's Party - a pouting Musharraf phoned up his son Bilal in the US, ordered him to return home on the next flight and commanded him to run in the upcoming elections against the young Bhutto scion/heir.
Unnamed sources in the President's party have acknowledged that the events of the last three days "do not appear to have gone as he planned". Musharraf has been observed popping Valium to calm his edgy nerves and his whiskey glass is always full.
"I too have a son and his name also sounds almost like Bil-aw-al. All that's missing are the letters A & W - (whose double cheese-triple bacon burgers are my favorite meal). No problem, I can insert a Constitutional amendment just like that to take care of the name thing", said the petulant Presidential poophead, snapping his fingers.
Seething with fury, Musharraf said "I had gone out of my way to rig the elections in my favor 200% and just as I was on the verge of victory this had to happen. Why is fate always against me?
"But I am a fighter, a commando guy", he continued "and I will fight this through even though my Pervez Musharraf League seems to have bungled everything. They can't do a simple thing without screwing up - useless twits. Now it is up to Bilal to "Manno a Manno" [sic] deliver on all the dirty tricks I have taught him - then he can be Prime Minister and I can pass another Constitutional amendment to make me President for Life"