Prominent conspiracy theorist and protestor Alex Jones returned home from his weekday radio show yesterday to find his house ransacked.
"I have been expecting this moment for years," Alex said to reporters outside his home. "The leaders of the New World Order have threatened me before, telling me that they will 'shut me up' one way or another. But I was expecting them to have me quietly 'gotten rid of' not this!"
Police arrived at the scene 2 seconds after Alex made the call to 911. "We've been keeping an eye on Alex's home for some time now," the Deputy Chief of Police for Austin Texas told us. "It has been mainly for Alex's own safety."
Alex and the officers combed through his ransacked house, going through multiple copies of Endgame, Terrorstorm and Christmas gift subscriptions to Prisonplanet.tv. They were dumbfounded to find that everything seemed to still be there. "That was until I looked under my bed," Alex said. "Then the real horror of the situation hit me. It was gone!"
The Police quickly left after that, refusing to do anything more to help Alex in the finding of his megaphone. "This is just another case of how the police state turns away from real crime in order to serve their big brother masters. They're all too happy to let illegal immigrants come into our country and let them drive without a license and apply for loans without any ID, they're all too happy to slap real citizens with speeding fines and take away our right to free speech, but when someone steals my megaphone - they do nothing!"
It is said that the megaphone was later found for sale on EBay, after 3 bids it finally sold for $5.