Written by KendoMonkey
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Topics: Science

Sunday, 5 August 2001

image for Skydiver breaks through terminal velocity
Holy ripcord!

A skydiver broke all physical laws earlier this month as she fell beyond the speed of terminal velocity. Shiela Wilkins, 42, fell at a fantastic rate, approaching 230 mph on her way down to earth. Said Shiela, "It was incredible; I went from being able to see a whole county in one second, to just a field in another. Oh, it was wonderful, although I do admit to papping myself."

The skydiving incident has flummoxed scientists who have failed to explain the incident. "It is bizarre," said one scientist, "she ought to have been turned inside-out, and in again! But instead she's right as rain, fit as a fiddle. To be honest, it scares me. But then I've always been intimidated by women. Which, incidentally, is why I grew this large straggling beard."

The general formula for terminal velocity is currently being altered to match observations.

"Science isn't and cannot be always right. Which is why I still hold viciously onto my theory of baby bouncing."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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