Written by King David
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Topics: saviour

Monday, 24 December 2007

image for Mistaken savior, STAR Escalator Company installs escalator at barrier wall in Bethlehem to carry Palestinians over into Promised Land; Company guarantee: this is not 'Stairway to Heaven'
Barrier wall in Bethlehem; escalator installed on just the other side of building in background

Palestinians awoke this morning to find a gift from the Creator; a brand new stairway made by the STAR escalator company out of Merrillville, Indiana at the barrier wall to carry Palestinians over into Jerusalem.

Palestinians weren't sure how the escalator got there, but a close examination of the "electric stairway" revealed the word, "STAR" imprinted in raised steel letters just before the steps.

"We feel that this is a sign from God," said Palestinian Christian, Maha Sakar. "A new savior is born in the 21st century. It is rare that we see such magnanimous acts from our Creator, but this is certainly a miracle."

Wise men were reported traveling on jackasses to see the new STAR and experience its luxuriously smooth flow.

"Ahhhh," they said. "If this isn't the stairway to heaven, it must be close. This make our jackasses seem like a turbulent ride on American Airlines."

Palestinian's feel that the wall, a 400 + mile mix of cement walls, fencing and barbed wire built to keep them out of Israeli, is greatly responsible for the tattered condition of Bethlehem's economy and tourism.

"Tourism is up slightly right now because of Christmas," said Sakar, "but before the wall in 2000 Bethlehem received an influx of 1 million persons annually. That's a lot of persons eating in our restaurants and pissing in our hotels."

A spokesperson from the STAR Elevator Company said that they were more than willing to help the Palestinian people out.

"We understand the need to be able to access markets," said Briers Heathcliff, marketing manager for STAR. "We will help the Palestinian people in any way we can."

American linguist and bicameral minded, Foam Chomsky said that this was a rare case of magnanimity and adoption on behalf of American corporations and the world should take notice before it goes away.

"What we really see here is vigilante justice at it best being performed by one of the big American dogs in the face of its own pig-headed government," he said. "This wall created dungeons out of Palestinian communities when it exiled 250,000 to 300,000 of her people. The STAR elevator company has come to the rescue and is a savior."

But Israeli guards on the other side say that they will turn the Palestinian's good fortune into a carnival event and pick off any Palestinian, or Hamas that chooses to ride the "Stairway to Heaven" to their own death.

"We will strategically set up a guard post to shoot Palestinians and Hamas bold enough to ride the 'electric stairway' as they get to the crest of the wall," one soldier said.

U.S. diplomats continued to sit around like Scrooge in the more ass of American foreign policy, as they have for 40 years, with their thumbs stuck up their assess and sour looks on their faces, eating frat-boy pies, admiring debutants and frigid ice sculptures and patting one another on the back saying, "Atta boy, John. Atta boy" as if they had really made a difference that day.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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