Following EU plans to tax male members next year, women will not escape as their bits are going to be measured too. Forms are, as we speak, being prepared in Brussels ready for the Tax year 2008 and girls over 16 years of age, will face a 'Hole Tax'.
With an estimated population of 810 million people with 60% of them female, the EU stand to net some €150 billion. EU Citizens will have to undergo intimate anatomical inspections to calculate circumference and depth. It is not clear how this will be carried out, but a banana, a candle, a carrot and a micrometer are firm favourites.
Dr Kaye Y'Jelli, a gynaecologist from Antwerp has said
"The testing will be an important step in discovering the ins and outs of the female anatomy. It will be a painless exercise for some and a thrilling exercise for others. The benefit of having the test is to monitor any abnormalities and detect cancers of the ovaries or cervix."
Brenda Dyke of The Venus Triangle, a women's emancipation group from Amsterdam said:
"This is disgusting and an invasion of privacy and will cause untold damage especially to the victims of sex-crimes. Futherore, some might discover the thrill of having an object inserted in their vaginas."
Nuns who are experienced candle handlers - wick in and wick out will not be exempt. The only exceptions will be virgins but proof must be provided by a competent medical person.
The Swiss Foreign Office in Geneva has been inundated by applications for Swiss Nationality.