Washington DC, USA - In what appears to be a serious U-turn in the White House Iraqi WMD stance, it appears that the much-publicised mobile "WMD factory trailers" - a part of key evidence used to justify the war - were not what they seemed. General Simon Cowell, taking a well-earned break from his evening job as judge in karaoke bar singing contests, admitted today that the "factories" were nothing more than ice cream vans.
Wearing trade-mark Eva Braun wig and black suspenders that he had borrowed earlier from his friend, Dr Convoluuuuuted Lies, a tearful general Cowell admitted that the suspect vehicles were innocent Ford Anglia ice cream van conversions after all.
When questioned about the morality of killing thousands of people on the basis of inaccurate food product intelligence information, the general was unrepentant. "These were no ordinary ice cream vans", he retorted, "very few Ford Anglias were converted in this way - which in itself is very suspicious".
When asked if any evidence of ice cream had been found in the forensic examination, a frustrated general Cowell, with arms folded and wearing his tight black tee shirt, seemed lost for words. "We can only assume the ice cream evidence has all melted away", he said angrily before storming off.
An aide explained later that traces of very tasty melted Cadburys chocolate Flake had been found but had mysteriously "disappeared", while under armed guard. Evidence of chocolate Flake is generally associated with the distribution of the infamous "99 cone" weapon, a particularly addictive delicacy, comprising a vanilla ice cream cone with one or two chocolate Cadburys Flakes sticking out.
Dr Lies confirmed that the collaborators and source of the chocolate Flakes - the Cadbury factory at Bournville, Birmingham - had been targeted by the USAF for an imminent revenge attack.