UN HQ, New York - (Preposterous Mess): Fundamentalist Wahhabi floggers, lapidationists and amputation fanatics have been warned by the UN Security Council that sadism is a top recreational attraction along with opiates, alcohol or crack cocaine.
"The Secretatiat views enslavement to cruelty as sick as any narcotic addiction," a Security Council statement said today, "and it's about time Sordid Arabia detoxed.
"We've all spent $$$ billions appeasing these S&M freaks. Screw their crude. They double-crossed us with Bin Laden, quadrupled opium poppy production finance and engaged in a mutual public fellation-fest with the Bushes.
"And now they're bankrolling the Iranian plutonium enrichment capers.
"Who the hell needs them anyway apart from Nazi arse-lickers like Prince Charles?
"We're giving them 30 days to repeal Sharia Law and convert to peaceful, Quaker ways.
"After that the gloves are off. And that includes letting the Brits' earthquake machine indulge in a spot of seismic flatulence under the Sordid royal palaces.
"Then we'll see who really runs big oil."