The much heralded return of TheSpoof.com's ubermeister Mark Lowton has been short lived as it was revealed today that the entire writing 'staff' of the site are to get married to each other and take two week honeymoons. This could be bigger than the Hollywood writers strike!
The move was spurred by resentment amongst a central group of the writers who felt cheated and 'de-humanised' by Mark's forthnight absence. During the depressing new story-free period, many writers spent long amounts of time on the forums where the first stages of love began to blossom.
Jalapenoman (real name Jalapenoman) and Queen Mudder were the first couple to profess their true love for each other. On bended knee, Mister Jalapenoman asked for his long term friends hand in marriage. She of course accepted but not before issuing a sarcastic aside. Secretly she was pleased as the gift of thousands of points from her husband brought her over the 1 million point threshold she craved so badly. They celebrated with a meal at Forti's Mexican Elder restaurant on Chelsea street in El Paso, Texas.(C) Jalapenoman
In their aftermath, a stream of proposals spread. Jean La Fete and Carina Eta were engaged and married after only 10 minutes. The perfect couple, indeed, as old smoothy Jean can flick his cigarette ash into the delightful Carina's cigarette box-shaped ass. Mister Meaner breathed a sigh of relief, happy in the knowledge that Carina may no longer stalk him on the site.
Helena Handbasket and In Seine made a lovely pair. Jenny Bigtits - more than enough for one man - took three husbands:Felix Minderbinder, Con Chapman and Drugtestallpoliticians. They had a delightful orgy which all the writers were only too pleased to attend.
Gail Farelly and Gnarly Eric had a public nudist ceremony in a local park. Gnarly complained about the cold weather.
Fergus McCarthy - inebriated from drinking contaminated diesel fuel from his 50 year old tractor - married long time male lover Space Elevator in a lady-boy themed ceremony overseen by hand-picked celtic badgers.
In fact, the shortage of female writers has led to many such homosexual pairings. King David and Monkey Woods made an exquisite couple. So too did Buck E Filbert, dressed in a giant-sized vagina dress designed by Donatella Versace, as he sauntered up the aisle with Robert W Armijo.Cal Jennings performed the ceremonial duties, naturally - he even got his costume specially dry-cleaned for the occasion.
Who the Hell is Mohit - a highly trained singing ladyboy impersonator - 'entertained' the crowds and drinks were served by Tipsy. Chauffeur to the stars, Warren Redlich, transported the dumb bastards to the church/synogogue/temple/cave. Norma Snockers 'entertained' guests with her bountiful 'charms'. Erskin Quint pontificated on the preponderance of post-marital promiscuity amongst the assembled masses and then went outside for a smoke of his pipe and a 'think'.
Mister Meaner and Noshing Mink did not participate, as they were already married in a secret ceremony in an Albanian cave - not to each other, silly. Mister MEaner married his beloved Threadpit Girl, while Noshing Mink paired up with a ferret-faced munchkin. They both still intend to take second honeymoons in support of the striking writers.
Modestly endowed writer,Jesus Budda plucked up the courage to marry not one, but two lovely ladies - Passion Vine House and Candice Hitler - in a Mormon ceremony performed by Little Jimmy Osmond. Jimmy, the sweetest guy around, sang his classic "Long haired lover from Liverpool" which received a rapturous applause. Candice's lesbian 'friend' Jane, was the maid of honor.
Oh, there were many others, but alas, I don't have the time to enter all their beautiful names. *
All their 'revenge' honeymoons are happening at the same time and will last exactly two weeks. Mark Lowton, has reputedly amassed a stockpile of his own brand new stories which he will unleash with the help of a mysterious face-changing writer called Marvin.
There was one absence from the list of happy couples: poor little baby boy Shaun Ferguson, whose mother locked in a cupboard after she caught him trying to sneak out to the mass Jenny Bigtits orgy. He has been grounded for 40 years or at least until he has grown pubic hair measuring at least 8 inches.
*Any writer not mentioned in this article, and who wishes to marry and join the mass honeymoon, may contact the author with all relevant details.