[ISLAMABAD]: In order to win the hearts and minds of "the Pakistani people" and convince them to deliver a "resounding victory" in the forthcoming elections, the PML(Q) or Pervez Musharraf League Party has hit upon a novel scheme.
The brainchild of the opportunist Chaudhry clan (Shujaat and younger cousin Pervaiz Elahi), the marketing concept involves the introduction of a "Dress-Me-Up" Musharraf doll - featuring a pink-faced (skin-tone reminiscent of "Pinkie" Benazir)- 12-inch plastic figure of His (otherwise nutmeg-brown) Presidential Self.
Packaged in the Barbie doll format, the 'Beloved Aba (Father) of the Nation' doll comes complete with the following sets of clothing and the accompanying slogan "100% granteed to make a perfect haaliday pressie":
1."Army General" ensemble - complete with epaulettes, medals, decorative sash, baton, polished shoes, fancy hat and assorted ribbons.
2."Commando Guy" ensemble - complete with commando fatigues, lace-up boots, beret and truncheon
3."Western pro-American, moderate guy" package - complete with a navy Armani suit, ice-blue shirt with cuff-links the size of door knobs, silk tie with threads that match the ice-blue shirt fabric and hand-stitched Manolo Blahniks.
4. "Regular Pakistani Dude" - complete with dark collarless jacket, loose white pyjama pants and optional bold pink turban.
5. "I'm a secret Osama fan" - complete with fake beard, stained kurta-pyjama, messy Taliban turban and suicide-bum belt
6. "Whirling Dervish" package - a tribute to his fascination with all things Turkish, with every whirl the doll loops continuously from "Army-General to Civilian-President to Army-General to Enlightened-Moderate to Chief-of-Staff to True-Democrat" - providing endless hours of enjoyment.
200% confident about their ability to win the election, the Chaudhry brothers unveiled the doll at a press conference in the nation's capital.
"Firstly we will distribute these in the Swat Valley then Waziristan and NWFP areas, so aal childrens there can feel included in the process," said Chaudhry Shujaat.
Maulanah Fazlullah Radio has threatened to burn all toy shops. A statement released this morning said "It is against all our religious principles for young children to play with dolls. Boys have their Kalashnikovs and girls should be happy under their burqas".