Written by Chuck Terzella
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Topics: Survey

Thursday, 1 April 2004

April 1,2004

A comprehensive world wide survey has determined that everybody hates everybody else. The worlds largest survey ever undertaken interviewed ten million people from forty countries over a period of two years and has come up with the following results:

The Japanese hate the Koreans, North and South because genetically they're descended from them,

The Koreans hate the Japanese because they're stuck up and just way too inscrutable,

The French hate the British and the Americans, as well as Italians, Germans, Belgians, Swiss, Croats, Serbs, Malaysians and just about everybody else who isn't French,

The British hate the French because they're, well...French. The British also hate the Americans for getting them into the mess in Iraq, but they can't say anything because they're trying to convince the Americans that they actually love them. Go figure.

The Canadians hate Icelanders, of all people, mostly because they have to hate someone and they're too nice to hate a lot of people and Iceland doesn't have a big population. They've also apologized to the Icelanders in case they made them feel bad for hating them.

The Americans actually love everyone, mainly because they know that if anyone pisses them off they can just go in and bomb the crap out of them and kill them all.

The Iraqis hate the Americans because Americans came in and bombed the crap out of them and are on the way to killing them all.

The Israelis hate the Arabs for obvious reason they're angry that that the Arabs hate them for taking their land and then treating them like shit.

The Haitian hate the Haitians, the Malaysians hate the Malaysians, the Indonesians hate the Indonesians, the Slavs hate the Slavs, everybody hates me and I hate everybody else.
More on this later.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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