A government report says that happy marriages are no longer a viable proposition, with many not lasting the first twelve months. A high percentage of relationships end during the honeymoon, it says, with some of them not even getting as far as the church steps on the way out of the building.
The claims, made by an old hag on a bus in Dudley, show that good, happy marriages are, indeed, a dying breed, and that the choice of millions of people, is to live in sin, whatever the consequences.
Recently-shackled couples were asked about their feelings towards their 'other half' after the first few months of wedlock, and the results were, according to the hag, shocking.
One newly-wed woman in Lancaster, England, told her interviewer:
"I knew immediately I'd married the wrong man. I should have had his brother. The girth of his manstick was admirable."
Others said marriage was an "invasion of personal space", a "waste of drinking time" and an "occupational hazard", with less than 2% of those interviewed saying that it was a worthwhile exercise.
A man from Lancaster, England, who had been married only two weeks, laughed as he said:
"She should have married my brother. The girth of his manstick is admirable."