Brussels, 1 April 2004 - It's official, folks. GM has finally pulled out of Europe after years of controversy over its products. The final straw for the giant global corporation was reached with the fate of its flagship GM Trabby car. Following years of ridicule, with jibes that it was simply not up to the standard of the competition, the "Shabby Trabby" car nailed the last niggling nail into the corporation's corporate coffin yesterday.
From its lowly beginnings in East Germany, the Trabby's bodywork was transformed by state-of-the-art GM wizardry in what was hailed as a landmark application of the new technology. Warnings of ecological catastrophe from the anti-GM lobby came home to roost when it was discovered last year that eco-friendly disposal of the Trabby's bodyshell was impossible, prompting the European Environment Committee to impose huge fines.
Attempts to team up with the drinks giant Pisspoor Cola, to solve the bodyshell breakup problem, failed earlier this year. In a cunning plan, Pisspoor Corp had offered to make available huge surplus quantities of its Tapwater Ripoff Lite brand to dissolve the shabby bodyshells.
Sporting her trade-mark Eva Braun hairstyle and black suspenders, chief engineer from Pisspoor Corp, Dr Convoluuuuted Lies, explained, "Every schoolboy remembers putting a penny into some cola in the chemistry lab and seeing it dissolve." A tearful Dr Lies added, "Well the same thing happened on the Trabby bodywork when we used our bottled Ripoff Lite brand... The problem came with the huge release of energy involved, which threatened significant global climate change."
As a result of these setbacks, the whole GM programme was banned in Europe as from today, thus delighting the anti-GM camp. Dr Lies was not too disheartened, however. "Our chief executive, B Army Arsefelt III, had a great idea to harness all this energy in a new type of bomb, designed for targets in bunkers and mine shafts and nicknamed the "Shabbyshafter".
The chairman of TITS, the Trabby Inbreeding and Trading Society, confirmed that scrap prices for these previously-unsaleable bodyshells had rocketed as a result of today's news.