The heavens and the earth were thrown into ungodly turmoil yesterday as Jesus H. Christ, son of the Jewish oil magnate God, said that He was ‘bigger than the Beatles'.
The Pope-appointed Deity Incarnate was alleged to have made the remark to a reporter as He left His father's mansion in the seventh layer of Heaven. Within minutes, the story had been wired across the globe, and His picture flashed across every tabloid in the country, albeit for an unrelated incident involving a London taxi driver. Jesus said to the reporter, "Me? At the moment, I'm bigger than the Beatles. John Lennon said so Himself."
The news was not well received by the global populus, with many atheistic radio stations urging their listeners to rid themselves of their Jesus pictures and to boycott his music.
John Lennon's widow, Yoko Ono, when interviewed about Mr Christ's remarks, said that she was ‘deeply upset' about the incident, and ‘caught in a tempest of emotion, like a wandering bird trapped in the ethereal confines of a hurricane'. She called Mr Christ's gaffe an insult to her dead husband's memory, and demanded a retraction and an apology.
This morning, outside his own house in Hammersmith, Jesus told waiting reporters how regretful he was for the offence that He had caused. After 40 Ave Marias, he said, "All I was doing was highlighting how much the Beatles have slipped into mortal memoria. I wasn't trying to picture myself, or compare myself to John Lennon as a person, but as an equal."
Having heard his humble admission, Sir Paul McCartney M.B.E, G.O.D, said that he was happy that the two sides had come to an agreement.