Written by Monkey Woods
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Friday, 23 November 2007

image for Woman Performs Miracle With Large Haddock
Imagine if she'd added tartare sauce as well!

A Bristol woman has astounded local people by allegedly performing a miracle with nothing more than a large haddock.

Julie Bratwurst, who was 26 last Wednesday, says she performed the miracle after celebrating her birthday with a few close friends, by having a rather large number of alcoholic drinks in Bristol city centre.

Suitably drunk, the group staggered to a fish restaurant for a tasty fish supper, and it was there, amongst all the chip fat, that the miraculous events began to unfold.

Julie takes up the story:

"I ordered a large haddock and chips, and added salt and vinegar. I wolfed the lot down in five minutes, and said goodbye to me mates. When I got home later, however, I felt me tummy a-rumbling."

What Julie was experiencing was a classic case of the shits.

"I made for the bog, and, after several minutes of writhing this way and that, I was able to discard something which I later discovered to be 'miraculous'."

Julie had eaten a large haddock, but had given birth to an enormous brown trout.

"I can't explain it", she laughed, "but it's the third time it's happened this month!"

Environmental health experts are investigating and the fish and chip shop has been closed down until further notice.

The Guinness Book of Records has been notified.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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