Washington, DC (AP) - President George W. Bush of the USA, his popularity flagging, has reached out across the pond seeking someone, anyone, to take some of the heat that has resulted from his foreign policy off of his back. To that end, he has extended an offer to Queen Elizabeth II of the UK to take the head of a new American Monarchy in order to sap some of the criticism coming his way.
"She's gonna be just a figurehead, I promise," said the beleaguered Decider in an internationally televised press conference, "She'll have no more authority than the Secretary of State or the Secretary of Defense."
The President's plan is to keep the Queen around as a symbol of power to pin all of the blame on for all of his failed policies, including the upcoming war with Iran, which is expected to usher in Armageddon, amongst other progressive reforms. He feels that this will "amplify the strategy" of efforts against "radicals and extremists."
Strict Constitutionalists have insisted that Bush's offer to the Queen violates everything that America stands for, but the Senate and House have already passed the Figurehead Resolution (HR 1776) by 434-1 in the House and 100-0 in the Senate, making its acceptance a near certainty, pending the Queen's approval. In light of other anti-freedom legislation passed overwhelmingly by Congress (Patriot Acts I & II in particular), the goose-feces-quick passage of this resolution through both Houses of Congress seemed like a foregone conclusion to political insiders within Washington, who expressed little shock at the outcome of the vote.
All that stands in the way of the new American Monarchy now is the Queen Herself, who is expected to announce Her decision in the coming weeks. Her representatives in the media have expressed Her interest in the proposal, though close sources have stated that She has reservations, especially considering the fact that Bush II is the political equivalent of a drunken chimpanzee. Nonetheless, political experts expect Her to accept the USA's offer to reap the large Halliburton and Blackwater lobby profits that come to any true elite of the Military-Industrial-Complex of the US.