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Topics: Bears, beauty

Monday, 29 March 2004

image for Goldilocks Sues Three Bears
"Papa Bear, you've been very naughty!"

The Forest- Speaking up for herself after years of silence, Goldilocks confirmed her intent to "sue the pants off" the three bears. "I've undergone years of therapy," said the golden-locked beauty, "I'm sure you can imagine, post-traumatic stress and all."

Goldilocks, who is being represented by attorney Robert Shapiro, filed suit against Papa Bear, Mama Bear, and Baby Bear earlier this week. "My attorney said I have multiple grounds for my case," explained the blonde. "First, Papa's porridge was so hot that it gave me blisters of the mouth. Secondly, you may recall that Baby Bear's chair broke into pieces when I sat in it, clearly a homeowner's liability issue. And of course, there's the obvious stress of being awakened and chased away by three hungry bears. I can't leave out the total humiliation of hearing my story told over and over throughout the years."

After his attorneys explained that Goldilocks had a rock solid case against them, Papa Bear said, "We should have eaten that little brat when we had the chance."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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