[Dateline Londonistan]: Just when it seemed that Islamic fundamentalism couldn't get any more extreme, a new study has revealed that social regression is alive, well and thriving within the Muslim community, courtesy NHS-funded 'virginity-repair' operations.
In a retro flashback to the Alice Cooper paean,"Only women bleed", many British-Asian-Middle Eastern-Muslim women say they are starting to feel pressured to "bleed on their wedding nights" or else their families would "lose face", while the hapless bride could "lose her head".
In a simple British taxpayer-funded nip-and-tuck procedure, more and more slutty Muslim chicks posing "Just like a Virgin", are having their "petals-of-the-south" hymens reconstructed.
Typographically-challenged adverts at local manicure shops have posted testimonials from satisfied customers touting this as a "lunch-hour procedure.
"Sisters, have it done between pints and a quick shag in the loo with your harny goraa boy-friend, then stagger back to the orifice - none of your mates will know".
For added 'authenticity', under the pretense of 'securing physical and psychological health' - (and, of course, a few extra thousand pounds), a small biodegradable capsule of 'blood' is inserted, just in case Thrusting Tariq, Clueless Karim, Heavin' Hamid or Foggy Abdul might need some prima facie evidence.
"What's a good Muslim gal to do", moaned ululating modest-gal and prayin'-swayin' role-model Waheeda (alias Wicked Wendy, alias Wild and Wooly Walushka), as she tugged on her designer anal-dental-floss knickers peeking out of hipster jeans while adjusting her hijab.
Goaded on by His Hollowness Pope Ratfinker and his Vatican vassals, self-righteous, Conservative Christian anti-abortion activists have slammed this as an "anti-woman, retrogressive move purely designed to deny women their rights"