Written by Monkey Woods
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Saturday, 17 November 2007

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Couldn't they have waited?

Portuguese police have today raided the home of the Irish social commentator and satirical news writer Fergus McCarthy, and have arrested him in connection with, what they say is, an "unspeakable crime".

The dawn raid, involving more than 1 officer, took place just as Mr McCarthy was undertaking his morning ablutions at St High Ground and Moralistic Church near Birmingham.

They didn't even give him the chance to pull his underpants up.

McCarthy has recently been extremely vocal about "irresponsible and laboured reporting" of the Madeleine McCann disappeaarance case, venting his anger on other writers, and calling them "twats".

It's not known why the police have arrested the Irishman, or what part they think he might play in their investigation, but rumours are rife that the authorities may have received a tip-off from one of McCarthy's fellow writers on The Spoof, quite possibly a woman involved in the legal profession.

The Portuguese detective leading the case, Inspector Clooless, remained tight-lipped about the arrest, saying only that McCarthy was now being treated as an "arguida", which in Gaelic means "Rice Pudding".

Sir Ian Blair, though, the outgoing chief of the Metropolitan Police in London, said:

"McCarthy fits the profile. A religious loner, a man of the cloth, sicko, Irish, repeatedly discussing the points of the investigation and its consequences for the McCann family. Me thinks he doth protest too much."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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