BUENOS AIRES - During a press conference this morning attended by hundreds of print, internet, and TV reporters, TheSpoof.com announced publication of a new tell-all book dealing with the sex habits of several of the world's remaining Royal families.
Under conditions of absolute confidentiality and anonymity, these members of Royal families agreed to discuss their personal sex lives with a TheSpoof.com reporter. Under the threat of hideous torture and execution, the reporter agreed not to reveal either the nationality or identity of any Royal.
As the mob of reporters fought with each other and local police for a place inside the press briefing room, a Spoof reporter began to read some highlights taken from the soon to be published book which include:
- Most Kings and Queens prefer to carry on their various sexual activities in rooms that are cold enough to freeze a cat. "The chill turns us on and makes our nipples hard." This should not be too surprising considering these people live in difficult-to-heat ancient stone castles
- Role-playing is the rule. Royal robes, crowns, scepters etc are used as sex props.
- Dirty talk is widely employed during Royal sex: "Rub that once again, your Highness," usually precedes simultaneous orgasm.
- While few would come right out and admit to the practice, sex carried out while in carriages and limousines is a turn-on few Royals are able to resist. "We love getting off in full view of the common folk."
- None would admit to bestial pleasures, but it is difficult to not notice the large number of happy-looking dogs, sheep, and horses on Royal estates.
- In spite of the easy availability of dungeons, bondage has not caught on with the Royal set; perhaps being too difficult to figure out.
- Solitary sex is employed most often when there is no pressure to produce yet another heir to the throne.
- Incest is frowned upon; few Royals want to muck up the line of succession.
At this point, police armed with clubs and tear gas, moved in to break up the news conference. Many reporters wanting to hear more details of Royal sex, were beaten senseless and left bleeding on the street.
The complete book Royal Sex will be coming out in hardback this coming month and should be available at all fine bookstores.