Written by Jesus Budda
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Thursday, 15 November 2007

image for Man behind internet Spam Outbreak caught
It's not small, it's 'petite'.

Computer users around the world have been tormented by his spam for years but it is only now possible to put a name to the person who is behind all those pointless emails.

Johan Olafson, 28, form Oslo Norway has been running an annoying internet business from the garage of his suburban home. Norwegian police swooped on the place in an early morning raid after a tip off from his girlfriend.

"Olafson was apprehended and immediately spam email numbers have dropped by 78 per cent", said the detective leading the raid, "it's up to the judicial syste to deal with this fiend now".

Newspaper reports claim that Olafson's girlfirend, Jana Frutlebuhmnuffnif, informed on her boyfriend after having some suspicions for a number of months.

"She said he had a tiny penis, like really, really small. You caould hardly even call it a penis - it was more of a skin flap", said Oslo Daily News correspondent Stig Yernoseinit, "and she said he used to keep offering her stupid fake Rolex watches and university degrees all the time, too.

"Another thing she found strange was the way he spoke. Everything was "Hi,top listed drugs for you" or he'd rush into the room saying "I found a website with the best online casino games around!". He was really driving the girl crazy so that's why she reported him, I suppose."

"Getting back to the dick thingy - he was obsessed with it and kept claiming that he could increase penis size to 10 inches in just 4 weeks! Wishful thinking, I guess. "

The prisoner is being kept in a secure cell with no internet access until his trial date has been set.

"He paces his cell spouting nonsense like "Don't be left out, join millions of men in the revolution, try our Meds" and "Be the most confident man in town"", adds Stig, "he's one seriously warped guy, that's for sure. He needs help badly. Maybe it's a form of Tourettes?".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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