World famous penis owner, Dave Pekering, from Oxford England, is amazed with all the attention his 'pecker' is getting - so amazed that he has sought official recognition from the Society of Religious Organistaions for it to be acknowledged as an icon.
"I never realised how special I really was until the Guinness Book of Records featured me", said shy Dave, "it changed my life. Now I have people coming up to me in the street wanting to take pictures of me on their telephones. I just whip down my trousers and the crowds instantly gather. It's mad!"
"A friend down my local joked to me one evening saying that I could start a cult and people would pay to worship at my dangly bits. We laughed about it, but when I got home I started thinking: lots of cults are based around sex, why can't I have a piece of the action?. I've spent my life as an electrician, working in a meat factory - that was nasty - why can't I try the God thing?".
Dave feels hopeful that he will get the blessing of the Religious Organiststions body as they've already given the green lite to Scientology, the Mormons, Raelians, Branch Davidians, Solar Temple and Catholic Ass-f*ckers groups.
"I'm a down to earth kind of fella", said Dave, "I won't be parading around in any fancy costumes or wearing robes. No, the simple life for me and my future followers - a silver g-string and a pair of comfy sandals will do it".
"I don't really have much to offer in a spiritual sense. But neither do most religions, I suppose. And every religion needs a good image. The Christians have the cross, the Jews have the Star of David; and the Pekerings will have my cock. It'll be quite funny to see a bunch of folks walking around with my jolly rodgers swinging from a chain around their necks, wont it?"
And with that Dave turns to head to the pub but not before giving us his final blessing:
"May the pecker be with you".