Written by Jack Battler
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Topics: Racism, Christmas, Santa

Tuesday, 13 November 2007

image for Black Elves call for first Black Santa Claus

NORTH POLE -- In what appears to be an historic upheaval of the usually business-like operations of preparation for the upcoming Christmas season, an angry mob of black elves are calling for the resignation of Kris Kringle and demanding he be replaced by a new Santa... a black Santa.

The Black Elf Toymakers United Rainbow Association (BET UR ASS) have filed an official complaint with the North Pole Judiciary requesting an immediate review of hiring and tenure policies at the Kris Kringle Korporation (KKK); a.k.a. Santa's Workshop.

"Thirty years of affirmative action have not changed the fact that things at the top are still controlled by the fat, white man in the KKK," said Jeffey Jackthon, spokes-elf for BET UR ASS. "We have labored for centuries in the same cause as Mr. Kringle and feel that the time has come for some new blood in the management positions here. Many people don't realize it but the number of black elves working at Santa's Workshop has risen 18% over the past 30 years and yet if you look in the front office you can bet Rudolph's red nose you won't be seeing faces of the darker shades represented there."

Kringle, who has held the position since it's inception says it is not about race, it's about merit and that the minority elves have misplaced their animosity.

"I built this empire when there was nothing but snow up here. I know for a fact that you can never produce evidence of misconduct on my part whether of the racial kind or any other," said Kringle. "I believe, and have made it my official policy here at the workshop, that all elves are created equal. I judge only on the basis of naughty and nice. I've made my list and I've checked it more than once. There isn't a single incident of racial favoritism there. As for my hiring practices... well lets just say that I base my decisions on how well one makes toys, not how one looks."

Jackthon says this is only the beginning of a long fight ahead.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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