Toronto, Canada- Baffling geographers around the globe, Canada officially became a member of the European Union this morning.
"We never really wanted to leave the warm embrace of our motherland, England," explained Canadian Prime Minister, Paul Edgar Philippe Martin. "This move will help us resolve our long-standing issues with abandonment."
Canada plans to keep its own currency because, according to Martin, "We think the loonies and toonies are very important to our sense of national pride, culturally. We are, however, in the midst of negotiating our time zones, so that we will be more in sync with our fellow Europeans."
When informed of his northern neighbor's decision to join Europe, U.S. President George W. Bush gushed, "Wow, good for them! Rumsfeld, look into that for us, too. Just may be the political move I need to win the election in November. I wonder, will Alasksa be an island now or part of the continental states?"
Top Canadian officials are still debating between building a bridge or a tunnel to connect Nova Scotia and Luxembourg. Construction should begin no later than August of this year.