Written by Noshing Mink
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Topics: Toys

Friday, 9 November 2007

image for Mattel Toys CEO's head falls off in safety accident
"Get me some screws and a tube of superglue".

Consumer safety groups are demanding the recall of the board of directors of Mattel Toys after it was revealed that the company's CEO's head fell off suddenly, revealing a sharp spike where his neck should be. The accident is a further blow to the safety record of the giant US toy company, which has had to recall many toy lines produced by Chinese manufacturers, on grounds of safety concerns.

A spokesman for the National Association of Parents (NAP) said:

"Parents should be vigilant about allowing their children to play with any Mattel products. If their CEO's head wasn't properly secured, who knows how safe any of their toys are?"

Mattel's lawyers issued a statement insisting that their CEO's loose head was not a safety issue but rather caused by excessive use. The statement read:

"He had been working long hours for several weeks. His head became very hot, unfortunately melted the pins that held it and slipped clean off his shoulders. We completely deny there was a sharp spike underneath it. We are happy to say that doctors have managed to screw the head back on and superglue it to his shoulders, and our CEO will be back at work on Monday. This is just one of those unfortunate accidents that nobody can predict."

However, an anonymous employee of Mattel described this explanation as "rubbish", telling our reporter:

"Mattel's corporate headquarters are like a death trap. People lose limbs on a daily basis. And it has nothing to do with excessive use."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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