In a surprising announcement Saturday in the local gathering tent, Jose Consuella of Monterey, Mexico announced his intention to start up Mexico's first border crossing school.
Consuella said he expects to train as many citizens as possible to cross the border to a better life into the US. "The citizens of Mexico don't deserve the frustration that they have experienced since the beginning of time. They deserve something more, they deserve to cross the Rio Grande into Texas yelling "No se puede tocar este, nananana (Can't touch this)" for everyone to hear, except for the US Border Patrol."
The Holy Mexico Border Crossing School is expected to open for Mexican citizens tomorrow. It is expected that it will bring 412,000 new construction jobs to U.S. Consuella continued on to say, "It doesn't matter your age, religion, or race (just as long as your Hispanic), we just want to give freedom a chance...Like that black dude from the US once said, "Let freedom ring, let freedom ring," and sadly that bell has not been rung here in the Mexican republic. I'm going to let it ring as loud as possible without the Border Patrol hearing it.
"The immigrants my staff train may get shot, stabbed, arrested, and cramps from trying to squeeze 18 people in a 6 passenger automobile, but we're going to help them find freedom one way or the other. Several 'aliens' have already signed up for the 9-week semester program, but due to the poor schools in Mexico, most of them signed their name with an X, making it hard to tell who actually signed up and paid to get in."
Gurrado Burrito was one of the many people who have signed up, and he reminisced to the Karter about the last 17 times he tried to get across the border to freedom (please excuse the English). "The border Patrol brutal and very smart. I have escape tried many times before, seventeen to be right. The first six times, I attempt to cross Rio Grande River. I was zapped by electric fence three times, shot in butt two times, and beaten unconscious once. The last eleven times I try to make break to freedom, I was in vehicle. Five time they found me in trunk, three in hood, four under seat and once I was squeeze into glove compartment. Needless to say, they still caught me.
"I think with Border Crossing School I will make it to USA."
Consuella had nothing but praise for the United States president, George Bush, because of his position as an ally to illegal immigrants by giving them jobs that other Americans would like. "America should be proud of their leader, with his come one, come all policy. I know if we can just get over the border, our worries will be over. Too bad the Border Patrol does not share the same sentiment with us as Mr. Bush. I think I am just the person to lead us across that border with all of our belongings on the way to a better life."
Consuella said that he expects three Million Mexicans to cross the border within the first couple of months of the schools existence.