Written by queen mudder
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Topics: Pope

Monday, 5 November 2007

image for Pope to ask Bandar for BAE slush fund handout
Ratzinger livid about being passed over for a handout from Bandar's BAE slush fund

Vatican City - (Baksheesh Mess): Tuesday's historic state visit by the king of Sordid Arabia to the Vatican is set to focus on the Pontiff's demands for a slice of the BAE slushfund that former ambassador to the US Prince Bandar received from UK taxpayers via the Ministry of Defence's arms-dealing wing BAE Systems.

84 year-old Pope Joseph Ratzinger is livid after finding out he is the only Global Piss Process luminary not to have got a handout from Bandar's £1.2 billion bung for fixing the UK's £40 billion Al Yamamah oil-for-arms deal.

"Even General Pinochet got a few million before his family agreed to that hasty bit of euthanasia last December," a Pro-Nuncio's orifice source in Pyong Yang said today.

"And don't even get me started about how much Kylie, Madonna and Paris Hilton managed to squeeze from the old bastard," the anonymous spokesman added.

The visit is being billed as a hysteric rapprochement with a view to the opening of reciprocal money-laundering embassies in the near future.

The Saudis have steadfastly relied on the Rome Yemeni legation for all their standard financial transaction needs.

But since turmoil in the global credit markets a need has arisen to cut cut out the usurious middle-men when doing business.

"We might even see the opening of a joint venture Bank of the Holy See and the Ghawar Oil Field," an Arabian Financial Digest spokesman said today.

"And we have just the man for the job!

"Step forward Charles Prince, disgraced CitiGroup Chair & CEO.

"A new incarnation as God's Banker 2-cum-The Prophet's Bagman awaits."

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