Mount Palomar, California (IP) - Breaking news being broadcast in morse code from the Mount Palomar Observatory Campus indicates that Comet Holmes has changed course and is headed directly for the Earth. Morse code was used in order to avoid creating mass panic and chaos.
Airports are reportedly full as many people think that they can catch a plane and be flown to safety as if to avoid a hurricane or Tsunami. Nothing could be further from the truth.
The only folks who will survive the onslaught of the nefarious comet will be survivalists with underground shelters and enough food, water, and toilet paper to last for 2 years and 3 months, 6 days 13 hours and 9 minutes.
One survivlaist preacher we talked to in Andrews, North Carolina has a warning for city folks who think they can take refuge in the rural Blue Ridge mountains a mere 2 hours drive north of Atlanta. The Reverend Billy Joe Bob MacAlester said in a real high and whiny southern pitch, "now you'll better not be thinkin bout showin up round here darn it to heck or you'll be seeing the wrong end of my double barrelled sawed off shot gun ya here?"
The Reverend was putting the final touches on his shelter which was a series of concrete culvert pipes 16 feet in diameter and buried under dirt and gravel in a long ditch. Two U-shaped large metallic snorkels rose into the air at each end of the structure. Barbed wire fence surrounded the compound.
His daughters were just now pulling up in their old pick up truck and they quickly carried cases of toilet paper and sardines into the tubular structure as their dad finished covering the last section of the compound with rocks and soil.