Written by Jean Le Fete
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Saturday, 3 November 2007

image for "No Christmas Trees This Year!" Says Union President Paris Hilton
International Christmas Tree Union Votes To Strike!

The International Christmas Tree Growers Union voted to strike today over the growing trend by people to use fake Christmas trees. President Paris Hilton says that Union Members are fed up with the growing trend towards plastic trees and called for a strike to make their point with consumers.

"If they want real trees then by golly they need to tell their neighbors to lay off the plastic," said Elmer Fuddlestone of Eugene, Oregon. My sales have been down by 30% over the past two years and I can't take another down year."

"We called this strike," said Paris Hilton, "To draw attention to a family tradition that is dear to my heart. When I grew up in the back room of my Father's hotel empire, a real Christmas tree was the only joy I had as a child. It didn't matter how many dresses, dolls, diamonds, rubies, sapphires, (deep breath) mink coats, rabbit coats, arctic fox coats, baby seal coats, alligator skin coats, albino tiger coats I got, I only loved that tree."

The International Union is hoping that support for the strike grows, though as a union the group has been struggling to gain members since it started in 2005. Presently there are only two growers in the United States an one grower in Indonesia who has yet to plant his trees.

"We would rather you focus on the real situation," said Hilton, we have to help these hard working people who are hurting!" Hilton then began sobbing uncontrollably, looking up occasionally to see if anyone was taking notice. Paris Hilton of course has hired the firm Snidely and Milton to handle an image makeover for her as a caring rich person with a heart. S&M as they are known, has also handled a makeover for the KKK, Al Gore, Barbara Streisand, and Valerie Bertinelli.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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