Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has acted quickly to quell speculation following news that a homosexual was sighted in Tehran, saying that the suspected homosexuals were, in fact, weather balloons.
Iran is known for its lack of tolerance toward the gay community. Sexual activity outside of marriage (including homosexuality) is against the law and the punishment is very severe, including stoning women and executing men. The Iranian Government has responded to international accusations of human rights abuses against gays by denying that there are any gay people in the country.
Iranian history is full of homosexuality and one of Persia's most famous medieval poets, Muslih-ud-Din Mushrif-ibn-Abdullah, is believed to have been a practising homosexuality who dedicated all of his poems to young boys. Modern Iranian history books record that in the late Middle Ages, a great ship came down from outer space and carried off all the homosexuals to a faraway planet. At the same time, all men and women were purged of the "gay gene" by a big galactic laser beam.
President Ahmadinejad told reporters that the supposed sighting of homosexual men at night in Tehran was in fact a sighting of two weather balloons holding hands, and that the witnesses must have been confused to have thought anything else. However, one of the witnesses, who has since gone into hiding to avoid reprisals by the Iranian Men in Black, told our reporter:
"While I could believe the story about weather balloons holding hands, I could never believe that weather balloons would wear pink shirts and leather trousers."