Written by Rick Higginson

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Friday, 26 March 2004

image for Al Qaeda: Pakistanis Not Revolting Enough
Osama bin Laden: "...we are revolting!"

ISLAMABAD, Pakistan - In a new tape received today by Al Jazeera, Al Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden blasted the Pakistani people.

In the tape, bin Laden calls upon the faithful in Pakistan to follow Al Qaeda's example. "See how the dedicated members of Al Qaeda are revolting! We work tirelessly day and night, never pausing to even bathe or brush our teeth! All this, we do to fight the Great Satan! It distresses us to see that the people of Pakistan have failed to follow our example. Indeed, they are not revolting, and we are hard pressed to find anyone, except maybe for our dedicated brothers in Hamas, who are revolting nearly as much as we are revolting!"

Experts from both the Pakistani Intelligence Agency and the United States CIA confirm that the tape was indeed sent by Osama bin Laden. Holding the tape at arm's length, one agent wrinkled his nose and said, "Yeah, that's him. I recognize that B.O. anywhere!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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