NEW YORK -- With 2007 already 11 months old, people around the world are impatiently awaiting the arrival of a new year. And they won't have to wait much longer, according to popular psychic Sylvia Browne. To the delight of many, Browne claimed that the year 2008 is right around the corner, even pinpointing the exact moment of its arrival: one second after 11:59:59 PM on the night of December 31.
Skeptics say anybody could have made this prediction, as the calendar year is a human construction that follows a regular, repeated pattern based on the earth's orbit around the sun. They dismiss Browne's prediction as a poor attempt to save face by betting on a sure thing after having been exposed for past prophecies gone unfulfilled. Browne, in her distinctive rasp, angrily rebuffed these claims, saying "if it's so obvious, why hasn't anybody else predicted it?" She then coughed up an unidentified thick black fluid and ate a few cigarettes.
Browne is well-known for her weekly appearances on The Montel Williams Show, where she specializes in channeling the spirits of dead friends and relatives of audience members. She often comments on the "round face" or "pretty eyes" of the spirit, thrilling the audience with her extrasensory skill and removing any doubt that she isn't a callous, useless charlatan who inexplicably rose above doing palm readings on a city street corner.